{"id":126,"date":"2009-01-09T16:34:00","date_gmt":"2009-01-09T21:34:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.marklamster.com\/?p=126"},"modified":"2009-01-09T16:34:00","modified_gmt":"2009-01-09T21:34:00","slug":"complaint-dept","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/?p=126","title":{"rendered":"Complaint Dept."},"content":{"rendered":"

The complaint has always been my great metier, the form in which I am a non-pareil master. Last night I became an honest-to-goodness world record holder in my favored idiom. At the behest of Dan Rollman, the great mind behind the Universal Record Database<\/a>, I set the new standard for Most Complaints In 60 Seconds, a feat documented by numerous officials, and witnessed by New York’s daily digest of record<\/a>. A video of the proceedings will soon be available, but a transcript follows, for your reading pleasure: <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I\u2019m tired. I\u2019m hungry. My feet are cold. I\u2019m damp. It\u2019s too dark outside. It\u2019s too dark in here. I left my hat at pr\u00eat a manger. I don\u2019t have enough Facebook friends. My eyesight blows. A 5-year contract for AJ Burnett? I\u2019m not rich enough. I\u2019m not smart enough. I\u2019m not good looking enough. I don\u2019t have enough work. I have too much work. It\u2019s all underpaid. My book is overdue. My book is not good. Specifically, the footnotes are a disaster. I can\u2019t figure out HTML. I\u2019m a shitty typist. I hate fish. I hate broccoli. I have tempomandibular disorder. I hate it when I burn the roof of my mouth on hot tea. Who drinks tea anyway? Tea is for grandmas and pussies. I hate the gym. I hate the stairmaster at the gym. I hate the guy at the gym who runs on the stairmaster like a gerbil on a habitrail. Our culture sucks. I\u2019m going to miss Top Chef tonight. This is a waste of time. What the fuck am I doing here? Isiah Thomas. Daniel Libeskind is a hack. The plans for Ground Zero suck. Atlantic Yards sucks. I don\u2019t read fast enough. I don\u2019t run fast enough. I eat too fast. I can\u2019t afford a meal at Per Se. I can\u2019t get a resy at Ko. I can\u2019t believe Florent is gone. Christ, Rollman, could you have chosen a less convenient location? Why is nothing good on tv? The Wire was totally fucked by the Emmys. Don Draper is full of shit. This is taking forever. I overpaid for my apartment. It\u2019s too small. It\u2019s a walkup. The block could be nicer. I don\u2019t like ice cream with walnuts. FOX news is a crime against intelligence. ESPN is irritating corporate trash. A subway fair increase? That\u2019s bullshit. You can\u2019t even hear the PA announcements. And service blows. And there\u2019s not enough of it. Just when it looks like the Democrats might put things together: Blago. Sarah Palin will return to some form of prominence that commandeers my attention. Fuck her. The economy is in a death spiral. We\u2019ll never get out of Iraq. Enough already about the Obamas\u2019 dog. You expect me to pay how much for a beer? My laptop is too heavy. It scratches my wrist. Fuck the man. Dane Fuckin\u2019 Cook. The New York Public Library contaminated its research collection with lead. Seriously. Curt Schilling is a tool. George Steinbrenner is an asshole. A-Rod is a headcase. Dubya and Cheney ruined our country. Reagan was no prince either. Republicans hate black people. And Jews. And New Yorkers. Is this over yet? I\u2019m getting tired of this. I can never find time for a haircut. I hate when you get a haircut and hair gets down your shirt. That itches. I never know how much to tip the barber. Puce is an awful color. Puce is an awful word. It just sounds bad. Puce: awful. I often feel cheap. I could be more responsible about paying bills on time. And returning phone calls. I was not popular in elementary school. I was not popular in high school. I was not popular in college. I was only marginally popular in graduate school. My book was not a bestseller. I can\u2019t play electric guitar. I have an awful voice. I\u2019d suck in a rock band. I can\u2019t follow classical music. The book industry is dying. I have no idea what I\u2019m going to do next. My neighbors listen to death metal at 3 am. I lied about that. I forgot to take out the trash. I didn\u2019t get enough sleep last night. I really, really, really, gotta get out of here. Jesus is this over yet? World records are stupid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

viagra<\/a>
\nfree viagra<\/a>
\nbuy viagra online<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra<\/a>
\nhow does viagra work<\/a>
\ncheap viagra<\/a>
\nbuy viagra<\/a>
\nbuy viagra online inurl<\/a>
\nviagra 6 free samples<\/a>
\nviagra online<\/a>
\nviagra for women<\/a>
\nviagra side effects<\/a>
\nfemale viagra<\/a>
\nnatural viagra<\/a>
\nonline viagra<\/a>
\ncheapest viagra prices<\/a>
\nherbal viagra<\/a>
\nalternative to viagra<\/a>
\nbuy generic viagra<\/a>
\npurchase viagra online<\/a>
\nfree viagra without prescription<\/a>
\nviagra attorneys<\/a>
\nfree viagra samples before buying<\/a>
\nbuy generic viagra cheap<\/a>
\nviagra uk<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra online<\/a>
\ntry viagra for free<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra from india<\/a>
\nfda approves viagra<\/a>
\nfree viagra sample<\/a>
\nwhat is better viagra or levitra<\/a>
\ndiscount generic viagra online<\/a>
\nviagra cialis levitra<\/a>
\nviagra dosage<\/a>
\nviagra cheap<\/a>
\nviagra on line<\/a>
\nbest price for viagra<\/a>
\nfree sample pack of viagra<\/a>
\nviagra generic<\/a>
\nviagra without prescription<\/a>
\ndiscount viagra<\/a>
\ngay viagra<\/a>
\nmail order viagra<\/a>
\nviagra inurl<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra online paypal<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra overnight<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra online pharmacy<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra uk<\/a>
\nbuy cheap viagra online uk<\/a>
\nsuppliers of viagra<\/a>
\nhow long does viagra last<\/a>
\nviagra sex<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra soft tabs<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra 100mg<\/a>
\nbuy viagra onli<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra online without prescription<\/a>
\nviagra energy drink<\/a>
\ncheapest uk supplier viagra<\/a>
\nviagra cialis<\/a>
\ngeneric viagra safe<\/a>
\nviagra professional<\/a>
\nviagra sales<\/a>
\nviagra free trial pack<\/a>
\nviagra lawyers<\/a>
\nover the counter viagra<\/a>
\nbest price for generic viagra<\/a>
\nviagra jokes<\/a>
\nbuying viagra<\/a>
\nviagra samples<\/a>
\nviagra sample<\/a>
\ncialis<\/a>
\ngeneric cialis<\/a>
\ncheapest cialis<\/a>
\nbuy cialis online<\/a>
\nbuying generic cialis<\/a>
\ncialis for order<\/a>
\nwhat are the side effects of cialis<\/a>
\nbuy generic cialis<\/a>
\nwhat is the generic name for cialis<\/a>
\ncheap cialis<\/a>
\ncialis online<\/a>
\nbuy cialis<\/a>
\ncialis side effects<\/a>
\nhow long does cialis last<\/a>
\ncialis forum<\/a>
\ncialis lawyer ohio<\/a>
\ncialis attorneys<\/a>
\ncialis attorney columbus<\/a>
\ncialis injury lawyer ohio<\/a>
\ncialis injury attorney ohio<\/a>
\ncialis injury lawyer columbus<\/a>
\nprices cialis<\/a>
\ncialis lawyers<\/a>
\nviagra cialis levitra<\/a>
\ncialis lawyer columbus<\/a>
\nonline generic cialis<\/a>
\ndaily cialis<\/a>
\ncialis injury attorney columbus<\/a>
\ncialis attorney ohio<\/a>
\ncialis cost<\/a>
\ncialis professional<\/a>
\ncialis super active<\/a>
\nhow does cialis work<\/a>
\nwhat does cialis look like<\/a>
\ncialis drug<\/a>
\nviagra cialis<\/a>
\ncialis to buy new zealand<\/a>
\ncialis without prescription<\/a>
\nfree cialis<\/a>
\ncialis soft tabs<\/a>
\ndiscount cialis<\/a>
\ncialis generic<\/a>
\ngeneric cialis from india<\/a>
\ncheap cialis sale online<\/a>
\ncialis daily<\/a>
\ncialis reviews<\/a>
\ncialis generico<\/a>
\nhow can i take cialis<\/a>
\ncheap cialis si<\/a>
\ncialis vs viagra<\/a>
\nlevitra<\/a>
\ngeneric levitra<\/a>
\nlevitra attorneys<\/a>
\nwhat is better viagra or levitra<\/a>
\nviagra cialis levitra<\/a>
\nlevitra side effects<\/a>
\nbuy levitra<\/a>
\nlevitra online<\/a>
\nlevitra dangers<\/a>
\nhow does levitra work<\/a>
\nlevitra lawyers<\/a>
\nwhat is the difference between levitra and viagra<\/a>
\nlevitra versus viagra<\/a>
\nwhich works better viagra or levitra<\/a>
\nbuy levitra and overnight shipping<\/a>
\nlevitra vs viagra<\/a>
\ncanidan pharmacies levitra<\/a>
\nhow long does levitra last<\/a>
\nviagra cialis levitra<\/a>
\nlevitra acheter<\/a>
\ncomprare levitra<\/a>
\nlevitra ohne rezept<\/a>
\nlevitra 20mg<\/a>
\nlevitra senza ricetta<\/a>
\ncheapest generic levitra<\/a>
\nlevitra compra<\/a>
\ncheap levitra<\/a>
\nlevitra overnight<\/a>
\nlevitra generika<\/a>
\nlevitra kaufen<\/a>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The complaint has always been my great metier, the form in which I am a non-pareil master. Last night I became an honest-to-goodness world record holder in my favored idiom. At the behest of Dan Rollman, the great mind behind the Universal Record Database, I set the new standard for Most Complaints In 60 Seconds, … Continue reading Complaint Dept.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-126","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=126"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=126"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=126"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marklamster.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=126"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}